Vicky beeching dating

"It was my one outlet." Her first song, called "Search Me O God", contains, tellingly, the line: "Find any way in me that does not reflect Your purity."That summer, at a Christian youth camp in the English countryside, Beeching became subject to an altogether more extreme way to make her sexuality "pure": an exorcism.

I ask her to name which camp it was, which organisation was responsible."Do I have to say? "It might make them look bad.""Yes, it will," I say."This happens at a lot of them.

I felt there was something really wrong with me, that maybe I was so sinful and awful I couldn't be healed."She reached her first breaking point that year.

Anybody I was in a friendship with, or anything I was doing in the church, was accompanied by an internal mantra: 'What if they knew?

' It felt like all of my relationships were built on this ice that would break if I stepped out on to it."Beeching is cross-legged on a sofa in my living-room, deportment impeccable, done up in a tailored jacket, made up with absolute precision.

"I remember kneeling down and absolutely sobbing into the carpet.

I said to God, 'You have to either take my life or take this attraction away because I cannot do both.'" Her eyes glisten for the first time.

The day she handed in the master tapes for what was to be her last album, she went to the doctor's, expecting to be handed some E45 cream."They said, 'You need to sit down. It's an auto-immune disease called linear scleroderma morphea, and a form of the disease called coup de sabre.' It's a degenerative condition where soft tissue turns to scarring.

At that point they didn't know if it was just localised or whether it would affect my whole body." In the worst cases, one's whole body can turn to scar tissue, including internal organs. Beeching was told she would need extensive chemotherapy and to expect hair loss, weight gain and exhaustion.

Someone had preached about how God could set you free from anything, and I was desperate, I thought, 'I have to deal with this, it's breaking me.' They invited us to the front." The shy teenager got up."The walk felt like 10 years. At the altar one of the prayer team said, 'What would you like us to pray for you about?

' I said, 'It's really hard for me to say this but I am attracted to people of the same sex and I've been told God hates that and I'm so ashamed and I need Him to take it away because I can't keep living like this. "Very humiliating – it made me so embarrassed."And when this too didn't change her orientation, Beeching turned inwards.

By 16, the isolation, fear and shame were escalating.

Her mother, who is very musical, had taught her to play the piano and guitar, and Beeching was already writing worship songs and performing them at services in front of hundreds.

I'm so sad and depressed, I can't carry on.'"Beeching stood with her arms outstretched as the leaders brought in extra people to perform the deliverance. I was already feeling so vulnerable, it was horrible to think, 'Am I controlled by demons? "I began to disconnect."She spent as much time on her own as possible, pushing friends away at school, filling break times by working in the library alone.

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