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This doesn’t mean that you and your cheating spouse need to sleep in the same bed or even under the same roof.
No matter what, your kids don’t need to hear highly judgmental statements or graphic details.
Usually it is best if you and your spouse sit them down and tell them something like, “Your mom/dad and I are having some difficulties right now, but we’re trying to work through them.
Most often in the immediate aftermath of learning about a betrayal, they are just trying to figure out how to get through the day.
This is where crisis counseling techniques—grounding, being in the here and now, mindfulness, and walking through daily life strategies—is most useful to the client, as opposed to trying to understand why the cheating occurred.
The second pressing concern is what to tell the kids about the infidelity.
My first piece of advice here is that you need to remember that whatever you say now cannot be unsaid later on, so temper your comments.
In fact, you and your spouse are likely to struggle with trust issues for 9 to 18 months after initial disclosure – and that’s if the cheating stops and he or she becomes rigorously honest and abides by whatever boundaries you’ve established. You and your spouse’s new level of honesty and forthright sharing could actually help you become more emotionally intimate than ever. Believe it or not, I’ve had couples tell me (after they’re well into the process of healing) that infidelity was the best thing that ever happened to them because it uncovered the cracks in their relationship and forced them both to become better partners.
And no, the newly created trust will not be the same as the pre-cheating trust. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of National Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health.
Plus, the truth is often not as bad as the stories that many cheated-on partners have made up in their head.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating