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It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. Have a great day y'all Misty One thing kids like is to be tricked.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store.

After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. "That's dynamite, baby."When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sidesgently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, likea guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one ofthose boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one ofthose boxes with a pinhole in it. Jane was toast, and not the light buttery kind, nay, she was the kind that's been charred and blackened in the bottom of the toaster and has to be thrown a away because no matter how much of the burnt part you scrape off with a knife, there's always more blackened toast beneath, the kind that not even starving birds in winter will eat, that kind of toast.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. She laughed like your little brother does when you tickle him until he's nearly screaming, pees his pants, and pukes, and then you're grounded for picking on your little brother.

The moon looked like a discarded toenail clipping submersed in a puddle of saliva on a black formica countertop. training helped me to identify people who were intoxicated and how to persuade them to stop drinking, which I never learned in the classroom." "The guests are predominantly from New York and other New England States." "Market fluctuations are continually rising." "The statue of David's arms were taut with sheer perfect muscle--his marble veins bulged with blood." "The people were all laying on their sides, like the Romans did." "Thanks to Woodstock, people everywhere realized that there may be more to life than a man, a woman, two children, and a garage with a dog." "In the Renaissance an unwary rodent became a grand feast." "The past does not interest me because we know everything about it." "I can not imagine a more beautiful picture than my mother bearing a child--me." "In the 1920s, no one intelligent believed in God." "The world is a changing society.

She felt used and unwanted, like the two chocolate halves of an Oreo cookie after someone has already licked the cream out of them. Politically, there is South Africa and Eastern Europe. Physically, there are AIDS and greenhouse." "A central part of the Beatnik generation was their subtle drug experimentation." "The romantic and armoratory love of the 18th century would woe any women." "I have always wished I could have been the pilgrim on the Mayflower to catch that first glimpse of the beautiful New York skyline." "If I could time travel, I would go back to Christ's time and upon hearing him speak would think 'I can't believe it--his words are almost exactly as they appear in the Bible!

I forget where the sun joins in this fight.""Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.""Germinate: To become a naturalized German.""To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.""To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.""The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.

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The whole scene had aneerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at p.m. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

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