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"I could never have this conversation with her," he says."She would start talking about the baby, or moving out of the city." She does not wear lingerie for him, like she used to. This man is somewhat detached, but also eager as a boy.He tells me he had a brief affair with a woman from one of his company's offices.

He knew he was smarter, but she was beautiful and kind, and that was enough for him then.

We talk about books, and he says his wife doesn't excite this part of his brain.

They are beautiful, the son eating an ice cream cone, the young girl in overalls. is holding her up and she is grabbing his finger, and the finger is wearing a wedding ring. He believes that marriage is a path all men must travel at some point. wants to meet me, but he's not sure he can steal time away.

His message says, "Although we haven't yet met, something has happened (at least for me). is an engineer in his early 30s who practices birdcalling in his spare time, and sends me pictures of his younger days, when he went boating and life was dangerous and uncharted. If they've dated a woman for number of years, marriage comes next, an obligatory stop on the endless conveyer belt. For now, he is content to write — to paint the picture of the moment we lock eyes across a bar.

B., who is kind and polite and describes himself as honest despite what he's doing at this very moment, says his wife isn't the nosy kind. I know a lot of women who do, but my wife really trusts me." Like the other men, he's afraid of getting caught but, similarly, says he feels no guilt. He calls me by my fake name, and I call him by his. You may get to know a deep tumor of the married man's soul, but you won't know his real name.) He looks exactly as he does in his pictures: dark-haired and big-chinned, vaguely politician-ish. He lives in a big city now but grew up in a small town where he married young. His wife is not intellectual enough, he says, but he will be with her for life.

As such, this relationship — the one with me — is a village in a different country, on another planet. He didn't realize when he married her that a little under a decade later he would be bored.

It was partly out of curiosity, but also largely my attempt to take my mind off her." He was attracted to my fears about losing my independence. You think this is a site for sex in motels, private and dirty with condom wrappers in the folds of the sheets.

Ashley Madison's president, Noel Biderman, certainly does. "They're saying, 'I want a type of intimacy my partner's not giving me,'" he says.

A scientist poking at his marriage in a petri dish, outlining the shape of his discontent.

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