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And while there’s a sizeable gay community here, it’s very much an undercover scene, with parties and events publicized by word of mouth.

Attempting to argue with freely expressed prejudices is almost always a lesson in futility – it’ll be you against the Bible.

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Similarly, as most locals take a great deal of pride in their appearance, grubbing around in a crumpled T-shirt speckled with last night’s jerk sauce is a guaranteed way not to be taken seriously.

In terms of general dress codes, though, you’ll want something smart if you plan on clubbing, and men will need long trousers if planning to dine at the better restaurants (jackets are required only at the most expensive places).

All of this is somewhat wearing after the first couple of days, particularly if your holiday plans don’t include “climbing aboard the big bamboo”.

Cope with your new status as a sex goddess with humility and humour; it probably has more to do with your foreign allure – or perceived economic clout – than your personal charms, and a lot of the come-ons can be extremely amusing.

I wrote this a long time ago and recently found it again. In my opinion Jamaican Patois is one of the prettiest dialects I’ve ever heard.

It still makes me laugh fondly at the country I’m in love with. It’s made up of mostly English words laced with a lot of slang and other words and phrases unique to the island.But this doesn’t mean that gay and lesbian travellers should avoid Jamaica – many hotels are managed by gay men, and a lot of the smarter ones won’t turn a hair if you ask for a ouble room – but don’t expect to be able to display affection in public without attracting catcalls, sniggers, downright aggression and maybe even physical violence.For more information contact J-Flag, the Jamaican gay and lesbian support group (754 2130, 379 9834, jflag.org).That’s one of the awesome things about Jamaica, nothing is very literal there and you can call someone you don’t like a p***yhole without them immediately thinking of a vagina.Instead they’ll tell you to go suck something (but not what you’re probably thinking). Just a vibrant spray of creative, non-literal bad words that still sound pretty because of the dialect and accent.” See what I mean when I say Patois IS in fact English but putting it together is a whole other ballgame.

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