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Y'all is a normal part of speech so please don't act like I'm speaking Mandarin when I say it. If we're doing something in warm weather that's not attending a wedding and you expect me to dress up more than that, you better tell me in advance. I have ridden horses, but mostly just at summer camp. We drive cars with the radio turned up and the air conditioning on blast.8. The perfect day of tubing includes a cooler full of breakfast tacos, beer, and wine coolers. I have seen a news anchor try to fry an egg on a pan on the sidewalk on a hot summer day. So don't tell me you're hot when it's 87 degrees outside or I will laugh in your face.11. There is a dusty pair of cowboy boots in the back of my closet at my parents' house somewhere.
You'll know where I'm from right away because y'all tends to come out within two to five minutes of me meeting a new person, and even faster if I've had a couple margaritas. Real BBQ is served on brown paper with half a loaf of bad white bread, a plastic knife, and a roll of paper towels. I have a sweet straw hat and water-friendly shoes I wear for tubing and tubing alone. I don't understand buildings or vehicles that don't have central air conditioning. I probably wore them for a dress-up spirit day in high school but otherwise it's good grocery store and it's not an artisanal cheese shop with a few sausages hanging from the ceiling.
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And when I say, "ALL y'all," you know shit's getting serious. It's cooked in a smoker the size of a New York City apartment until it's the best, most tender meat you've ever had. If you want to impress me, find me a bomb-ass taco truck and take me there for dinner. If you don't like spicy food, I'll probably think you're a sissy. It's a field with walls and a roof that could fit, like, 18 artisanal cheese shops, a wine store, and a BBQ takeout counter.15. Nothing beats spring in Texas when the bluebonnets bloom and line the highways and look absolutely friggin' spectacular.
I'm not fancy, I just want a filling meal from a place that knows what real salsa is and will offer me a choice of tortillas. If I stay over and you want to win my heart forever, make me a breakfast taco in the morning. Just because I grew up in a place where the high school football stadium looked like a professional football stadium doesn't mean I want to watch football with you all the time. If you can find a way to bring me a bouquet of bluebonnets, I'll love you forever. Going home will always be the greatest thing in the world to me.
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